Friday, 7 October 2016

Australian Survivor 2016





I had forgotten, how easy it is to get hooked on a reality show! Most of the reality shows in Australia are those trashy, set up, Bachelor type shows, where no one really fancies anyone, throw in a couple of Bunny Boilers,
Someone hung up on their ex, and few dangerous blondes and you have got the ingredients of one of those lethal cocktails served to unwitting tourists on Kuta Beach, however the cocktail here is the joke on the viewers, who must be looking through the same dirty glasses you get at the Royal Hotel, in been not been able to spot, a show so blatantly re-shot, re-edited, it makes Kardashian robbery in Paris almost real.  

Way above all these shows, not only in production values, (almost as beautifully filmed as the BBC Apprentice) is Australian Survivor, a show that never worked in the United Kingdom, as the people were to too stupid to realize this was a game, and mistook this for something between John Fowl's “The Magus” and Club 18-30 holiday. Of course, it was trashed by the show I was on by ratings, but in reality (no pun) I would have rather been in Survivor than Big Brother.

The Island setting of Survivor, is so photogenic that a lot of airtime is spent, with beautiful shots of the coastline, crashing waves, restless seas, and far too many shots of crabs emerging from the sand, or some stone, or simply crabs walking sideways across the beach, with the back drop of nature, perhaps they (the crabs)are  most dangerous animal on the Island, apart from the contestants themselves.

The contestants, again some obvious casting, an old person, a black person, a pretty person, a semi hinged person, and a few narcissistic characters, and the typical background characters that you always know, that have something a bit special and unique about them, or let us be honest, some kind of material mental damage that has either been edited out or are following the number 1 rule in Reality TV, do as little as possible, not to be noticed, but as much as possible without drawing too much attention to yourself.

The edit of the contestants has generally been fair, as in this show, it is not about the viewers voting people out, rather than keeping them in, by watching the show in the first place. 

I cannot remember so far any singling out of anyone in particular for a poor edit, unless of course, they set themselves up for a fall in the single piece to camera interviews, where they all  have made boasts they cannot possibly substantiate, but that is the nature of the beast.

But we know these are set up and coached, don't we?

Those whom understand the genre will spot the various clues in the edit, who is going that night, but on the whole, no one has had a bad edit or can complain of the same, unlike other shows.

We are at the nuts and bolts end of the show, where the contestants are wondering if they might have over played their hands or they have made the wrong alliances without thinking of the consequences or end game, add to the mix the beauty of paranoia, and the $500,000 prize money will make the last few weeks interesting, and this is where the sleeper contestant will shine, the stronger contestants will now turn on each other, as they will be forced to vote out their perceived competition,
thus paving the way for the the sleeper to slip straight into the final, whether or not they have the popularity from the Judges, depends on whether or not they have been honest, and only one, so far has done that and that is Lee and this where lies the problem, and it is two fold, firstly as the commonality of most of these shows, the interesting characters or game players in Survivor tend to get voted out, earlier than they should, which means the person whom made you scream at on the TV, for being remarkably duplicitous has gone, which means you have to find someone else you love to hate, or in this case , this has to be all girl alliance, which will, mark my words, will implode horribly.

If you thought the fun and games have already started, think again, peoples true colors are just about to be exposed.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Half Term Report


It is always quite difficult to criticise a TV show you have been on without sounding resentful, spiteful or having an axe to grind.

believe (allegedly) that last year's winner is to bring out a book which explains, in his view, the poor way in which contestants are treated by a production company and or a TV channel. I would agree this can happen, but everyone who has been on Big Brother was given the 'talk of doom' beforehand and were made aware of the pros and the cons of doing the show. If they decided to then do the show and sign the forms then they have to take the rough with the smooth.

I understand having spoken with cast members from other countries that they are looked after better than here in the UK - well, if that is true then go and do the show in Germany then. It is as ridiculous as winning the lottery and blaming Camelot for any misfortune that becomes of winning that lucky ticket.

To this years show: by and large I think it is good. It is quite well cast (apart from having models, which I think defeats the very point of the show) as contestants mainly appear quite normal and appeal to a cross-section of the viewing public.

I do feel there is no clear winner at this stage. Had Luke A kept his mouth shut about his secret he would sail through to the final days. Getting to the final can be very easy as it is purely about being 'grey' and in this house there are five shades of grey and then there are the rest - those people tend to reach the last two weeks and then are exposed by the cameras to be dull.

I think there is a danger of the show becoming less Big Brother and more Butlins. The tasks are designed to pass, rather than fail, and I think they have lacked imagination or they have been ripped from other shows.  The 'not laughing' task was so easy - they could have pumped laughing gas into the house and they still would have passed.
The contestants are allowed too many treats and they are allowed to bring far too many personal items into the house. The shower doors should not be frosted out and having such a big area, including a pool, means housemates can really switch off for a few hours and escape the harshness of the show - which is a huge pyschological advantage.

Punishments are pathetic. Taking away the table football is not a punishment, nor is turning off the hot water in summer a punishment. Wake them up very early, take away their booze and turn off the heaters to the pool. Do something to make them suffer.

Bring back the talking parrot! I really do think people who have been on the show and experienced it should be on the task teams as they truly understand what would work.

The 'voice of Big Brother' Marcus Bentley has been brilliant as ever, but sometimes his script is so childish and obvious (almost like the product placement on the show ) it takes away what a good job he does. Brian does a good job as presenter too.

The off shoot show BBBOTS has been funny this year, especially the Monday to Friday helpings. Jamie and Emma are brilliant together but I would suggest getting rid of the 'bedtime story' and replace it with more chat with the guests. I do not like the new psychologist on the show as he has all the charm and charisma of a wounded badger. Get rid of him. Bring back Jo Hemmings...

I understand the reasons for not having the live feed but I just believe you should give the public what they want.

Big Brother is becoming a commercial success with all the competitions and product placements and text voting etc, but it runs the danger of becoming fake and the viewers are not stupid.

Having said that the line up for Celebrity Big Brother shows great promise...

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Please no more models!

In the year 2000 you could buy a pint for £2, you could also open and close a train door by yourself and if you so pleased also stick your head out of the window of a fast moving train. Facebook and Twitter did not exist and of course Big Brother One hit the screens. Ten normal people (no models, no actors) entered the house; normal people would continue to enter the house for the next few series until the wannabes arrived.
A lot of contestants have had the 'Big Brother experience' since 2000 and I have managed to meet most of them. In every basket there is of course a rotten apple, but by and large most if not all are good people, models or not.

Perhaps Big Brother got tired, but in the end rather than sending Big Brother to a hospice to die gracefully it went to Channel 5, although I still feel that the last series of Big Brother on Channel 4 had some of the funniest and best tasks to date. 

I'm not sure it sits as well on Channel 5 at this time.
But  apart from throwing money at the problem, 5 need to listen to their audience. Channel 5's first non-celebrity Big Brother was largely forgettable as the casting featured too many young people.  This year they have partially listened and yes there are a few people over the age of 30 and there is a Scottish person - whoopiee!
However having five fashion/glamour models is not great. If I wanted to see a model I would go to a fashion show and as for the two porn stars - again if I wanted to watch them I would disengage the security on my Sky Box and watch some of the more interesting channels...

A fundamental point of the show is to have a good cross-section of people, not a cross-section of wannabes who would sell their story for three Curly Wurly's, a bag of lemon bonbons and one fun-sized Milky Way. On the face of it they all look OK-ish but reading their biog's,I want to sit in a darkened room and scream. 

If Big Brother just wants to just appeal to the readers of the Daily Star so be it. But not everyone who reads the Daily Star watches Big Brother. I am sure having a few models for some people is good eye candy but if you cast properly you can get better looking and more intelligent model-types than they have. Also by picking the most ridiculous posh person Big Brother stereotypically again is telling us all posh people look like horses and all models are vacuous.

The so-called twist was good but could have been better. Why not throw some out on the first night? Why wait three days to throw them out and then replace them with a wildcard. Pointless! Depending on how good the tasks are we might end up with a great show. 

But when it comes to the cast, as all Big Brother fans know, any boast in their video's prior to entering the house must be taken with a pinch of salt. How about next year no models, and the Live Feed!

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Early Thoughts

1) Deana – seems like they are reverting to character type ie Shilpa Shetty – why would she do the show as she clearly doesn’t need the money – yet another wannabe
 
2) Arron – so much for ordinary members of the public – yet another model to join the ranks of actors, singers etc that BB seems to want these days
 
3) Caroline – token posh bird – I don’t think she will last more than two weeks as the public don’t like posh/dappy people in BB
 
4) Shievonne – a former Playboy bunny with no job, hyperactive, non-stop talker – anyone that says they like to have fun when they go into BB normally ends up being the most boring one…
 
5) Conor – Irish – personal trainer, another arrogant guy who likes himself – he will be the naked one (there is one every year that likes to walk around naked – it was Craig in my year) – then we find out still lives with his mum, therefore he is all talk…
 
6) Lauren – teeth like a horse, what is it with these martial arts experts (that’s three so far in the first six that have gone into the house) – she could be the one to watch – pretty but not too pretty, confident but not too confident - I think the public will like her
 
7) Luke – chef, married – was born female – nothing like Nadia though the other gender-change housemate – bit of an unfair advantage having that back story
 
8) Adam lived in Dudley and LA – gangs, drugs, jail, fraud, assault etc  - could be a good role model if he really is reformed
 
9) Sara – model – yawning now, yet another model –Her Scottish accent makes her sound like an old woman.
 
10) Scott – if not posh then where does your accent come from?
 
11) Ashleigh – just vacuous – doesn’t deserve any more blog space
 
12) Luke, from Liverpool – full of himself, don’t think he will last too long – dressed like a bank manager
 
13) Lydia – another model, dancer yaddy yaddy ya - engaged to someone 'famous' that none of us have heard of
 
14) Benedict – porn actor who claims to have been shy as a teenager – you decide - have met him and he is a good bloke
 
15) Chris – good a normal guy – finally

16) Victoria – and another model….she is a dog lover though so that is alright
 
At this earlier stage Chris To Win

Friday, 6 January 2012

Casting Giggs is so wrong on many levels

Friday morning and it is 8.36 am and they are all sound asleep. If I was Big Brother, I would wake them up. They are after all being paid made much more than the national average wage for three weeks work, so entertain us.

Are these people celebrities? Well I recognised four, as I have met them, Nicola (Savvy) Andrew (must be slightly gay) and Denise (MILF) Natalie (Good fun) The others I would not visually know who they are. Again 5 have the budget, they did pay Pamela over $2.5m, so why not get some people everyone has heard of?

As usual everyone knew who was going in before the show was aired, and as the coverage was fifteen minutes behind the real show, it was being leaked from the studio.

Brian Dowling did a competent job dressed as a chauffeur disguised as a killer, but he still cannot interview to save his life.
The house looks great, and the first secret task fell slightly flat, as the questions were too easy and the ease that Natalie worked it.

There is a fine line between a good line up and great one, the Americans rarely perform well in Big Brother , and those twins ( I do not rate them as great beauties) will bore us to death, unless they spend the whole show in their swim wear.

There is also a fine line of great tasks and pointless ones, in Ultimate Big Brother every tasks was boring, and we were bored.

Casting Giggs is so wrong on many levels, not only that, what is it telling the younger viewers? That being unfaithful pays? Clever casting would had Imogen Thomas in the house, as well.

She should be lying low, (Giggs woman) and not prostituting herself on reality TV and if she wants to do it, it should be the redemption channel and not on Big Brother

Big Brother needs to be mean, we need proper tasks and no pampering, turn the heat up, and let the game begin.

Day One

To Win Natalie
To go first Giggs (sadly by default the Madsen, might just walk)

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Get Me Out of Here-Freddie!

I love I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here! for two reasons. Firstly, I would never do it and secondly, we just want most of them brought down a peg or two, or one of them to be eaten. No not really, only joking. On the opening night I thought that if any of them had walked past me I would of not recognised them. By name maybe but by sight no way. Apart from Freddie - whom I met a long time ago and was kind and gave me good media advice. I never thought it possible but most celebrities are fairly thick. Just watch (Who Wants To Be A Millionaire or The Million Pound Drop and you will know what I mean) and before you start I have won The Weakest Link!


Jessica-Jane a model, asked Freddie: "Have you ever eaten a hamster" to which Freddie replies "No" - she then follows up with "Do you know anyone else who has eaten a hamster?" Brilliant second question in normal circumstances but the first question was rapaciously stupid.The other ridiculous question was over on ITV2, which annoyingly had 'nutritionist' and camp dweller from last year Gillian McKeith as a guest - what a waste of an air flight! Anyway in keeping with TV now having to have as many regional accents as possible the new presenter Laura Whitmore is Irish (she speaks at the same speed as a demented Gatling gun) and asked: "What camp would you prefer?" but as one is luxurious and the other is hell it is hardly a relevant or clever question.





I think Fatima a true Olympic hero, who resembles a cross between Barry Manilow and Uri Geller, is an early favourite along with the Rockstar who has either been edited out or has died on set. I do not believe Mark is that caring and I think he is acting, but good on him. I suspect he will be doing every task as the public want to punish him for his cheating antics on TOWIE. I think producers want Stefanie out first as the edit has made her look bitchy or perhaps her agent has put in the contract that she goes first.


Putting Freddie in the Jungle with heart issues was like sending a recovering sex addict to Las Vegas. Now he is out for good, the show has lost a strong character.


However Sinitta and Pat Sharp? Just too annoying!


Good start though with 11.5 million viewers - looks like ITV are King of the Jungle with this one

Aaron a worthy Winner? Not sure + the future of BB

I am not sure if Aaron is a worthy winner of Big Brother or not. What I do know is that he was desperate to be on the show (10 attempts) and he studied every episode and every character and every possibility.
So much so, that I saw a lot of me in him as he went around casting his spell on the other dimwits in the house. He is certainly weird, but he won, against all odds, although in one of my first blogs I did say he would reach the final.
I am surprised to see Jay finishing so high. After being kicked off the Katy Price show, he should not of even reached the second round of Big Brother auditions. I know exactly why he was kicked off and hopefully the press do too and that it all comes out soon like one of his smelly farts.
Alex was the real winner here, pleasant, attractive to a point, kind, caring, thoughtful, but not very bright. How she did not win, I am not sure.
The sad fact is the channel will think they have a huge success on their hands. Well they do to a point. But it could be better. This is my ten point plan of what I would do.
1) Give Emma Willis the main presenting job. Two reasons: greater publicity in magazines (women celebs sell more magazines) and she genuinely loves the show.
2) Brian Dowling to present BBBITS as this is a man whose ad libs are delivered well and BBBITS would showcase his talent for spontaneous banter and fun better than the tightly scripted main show.
3) BBBITS should have more involvement from the panel and dump some of the pointless sketches.
4) Have 12 contestants in the Big Brother house of all ages and at least one should be from Scotland as well.
5) Have an early twist like removing one contestant from the house immediately by face-to-face voting.
6) No more soft tasks
7) No more giving contestants booze and parties for no reason.
8) No outside contact whatsoever.
9) Greater punishments for rule breakers.
10) Bring back the Live feed!
It wont take much to make this show great once more.

Let us wait until January to see. But please no Lauren!!!