Wednesday 28 September 2011

Aden must have had a charisma bypass in his sleep

Rebekah was booted from the show last week, and quite rightly so. Her only chance of any limelight now is in the darkened booths of some strip joint. Even if you failed your GCSE in the school-of-the-bleeding-obvious there is little chance of any real romance between Aden or her.

Rebekah may be good at acting but her face was a picture when she went to visit Aden's mother (with a film crew for BBBITS), and then saw his single bed, teddy bar on said bed and condoms in his bottom drawer - her face betrayed her instantly as just hanging out for the OK! magazine cash cow. My suggestion: do photoshoots with Nuts and Zoo magazines and get your kit off, do a few paid personal appearances and leave Aden alone - because you might just wreck his life.

Now I am not sure if Aaron is asexual, bisexual, straight, gay or just confused! Or perhaps all.
Although he is a game player, he has even out-gamed himself by a series of schoolboy errors with Faye, Tom and Maisy - never good to play around with the emotions of one housemate let alone three...

Aaron will of course survive this week, be up next week again, survive and so on. Which means, as I explained in my last blog, the weak (Louise, Harry) get carried into another few free weeks of staying in the house - unless there is a double eviction three people are bound to be up for eviction each time.

I would save Heaven this week - yes she believes in giants, yes she is nicely mad rather than criminally insane, but she has character. Aden on the other hand must have had a charisma bypass in his sleep, and offers the viewers nothing apart from a hurt dog look. Get rid of him. Aden to go this week.

Rather like a hedgehog who has been kicked by a school boy, Alex is coming out of her ball of insecurity, and I now think she might make the final. It is early doors however - perhaps it will be Alex, Mark, Jay and Maisy in the final.

In other news:

When I left the Big Brother house in August 2000 my phone was hacked. Phone hacking has clearly been around for years. In my view the Dowler family recently were probably were given too much compensation. On the other hand and with the inevitability of another huge cash cow coming over the horizon Jade Goody's mum is now pursuing the NOTW for cash as she claims Jade's phone was hacked too. Enough said.

Three days before Ultimate Big Brother began in summer 2010 I tripped on a paving slab in a public place (therefore the pavement was council owned) and caused myself serious shoulder and ankle injuries that had they been spotted by the Big Brother medics I wouldn't have been allowed on the show.

On both issues I could have sued (the newspaper for hacking and the council for the faulty slab) but I have chosen not to. We are moving sadly into the arena of where there is blame there is a claim.

I also have never complained about my edit on the first Big Brother, as I believe that once you sign that form then you have to expect the good and the bad that comes with that decision.
I do however think that producers of Ultimate Big Brother were wrong not to show mine and Vic's Big Brother's Little Brothers Cousin show on the main programme.
You can see our YouTube videos here.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Heaven or Hell? Live Feed?

If the conspiracy theorists are right, Big Brother will edit Rebeckah in a good way in the next few days, thus resulting in Heaven going. This can happen as there is no live feed so it can not be proven either way who is the most two-faced in the house! They certainly won't edit it for Rebeckah to leave but of course the public ultimately decides.

There are five kinds of people that enter the house, although some run across more than one category:

1) THE MICE: People who should not really be there, but occasionally make a squeak like Tom, Harry and Alex.

2) THE WATCHERS: Mainly observe from the sidelines like Louise, Harry and Heaven.

3) THE DARK HORSES: They could make the final like Mark, Faye and Jay.

4) THE EMULATORS: Anton (acts like Vic Ebuwa did) Aaron/Rebeckah (copying me!)

5) THE GAME PLAYERS: Rebeckah, Aaron, Maisy and those who say they have no game plan but do like Aden and Anton.

Generally all of THE MICE survive until halfway through the show, THE WATCHERS, and THE EMULATORS leave before and just after halfway through the show. The obvious GAME PLAYERS fall in the final few weeks week, leaving a few MICE and THE DARK HORSES fight until the end.

This Friday we have a WATCHER and a GAME PLAYER/EMULATOR up for eviction. The game player is going to lose eventually, because if you play the game you have to do it without too much malice and with a twinkle in your eye. Rebeckah has over compensated her game playing, played her hands too early and has led the hapless Aden around much as a child does to a new puppy at Christmas. Had she not led him on, she might have survived this time. I also think she has cruel side to her that has betrayed the true her on a few occasions.

Heaven is mad, but not in a criminally insane scary way, but in the nice way that a pat on the head and a polite smile will do wonders for her and for you. But she is slightly too mad to stay in the house too long, unless she is up, like she is this week, with someone like Rebeckah in an eviction. I think she will survive this week, and go next week, thus giving credence to the fact that the WATCHERS always survive a little too long.
Word from Elstree is that the live feed was discussed by the executives, however I do not know what became of those conversations and wether or not the pats on the back (after great ratings for Celebrity Big Brother), have turned to 'where have all the viewers gone'?

I tell you where and that is to bed. This is term time and for a lot of viewers 10pm is just too late. I do think perhaps there should have been a five week break between the end of Celebrity and the start of civilian.

In my last blog, I argued for and against the live feed.

I believe the cost of the live feed is around £600,ooo. If you imagine what they paid Sally Bercow and Pamela Anderson, and assuming combined they were paid more than this (they were) but for arguments sake let us pretend their combined fee was £600,000. I personally think Pamela was under used and I think most fans would have rather had a live feed than have Sally or Pamela, who added nothing to the show.

I would not urge they bring back the live feed as it is not up to me, but I hope the channel consider what the fans want. I know that advertisers cannot buy the space as it already has been sold out this year and next year for Big Brother, so it cannot be about money.

So the question is why not? What's the answer Channel 5?

Sunday 18 September 2011

Live Feed or not? and why it is going slightly wrong.

The lack of a live feed is perhaps the most contentious issue for BB fans. But let us not lose sight that it was Channel 4 who forced the issue and took away the live feed citing quite reasonably, the cost, the extra staff and of course the legal issues in having a 24 hour feed.

I would like a live feed or live BB on TV 24-7 but it is not going to happen. Some say that there is no live feed because it leaves BB to edit how they feel. Again, I think this is true to a certain extent, but the live feed can also be manipulated equally as much as the real show, so the point is mute. However I believe there could be a live feed, but the cost per person would be quite high and therefore as a business it is not really viable for the channel in these tough economic times.

From an ex contestant point of view, I can identify with some really positive aspects of the show. The opening sequences are slick, the new contestants by and large are well cast, (give or take Harry and Alex) and the edit is fair. I think the mistake is having too many young people, as if they are trying to appeal to Daily Star (the owner of Channel 5 owns the newspaper too) viewers only. If they (5) want a show like this, then they should hire a villa in France and fill it with booze and young people and let the camera's roll.

I think 5 are trying to stamp their own identity on the show, and that is taking away from what us viewers really want. I am sure 5's hands have been tied by a greater power.

I am no producer, but I have argued before that the few ex-contestants that do have a brain should be employed by BB, because we know more than most what works and what does not with BB. Television is not always rocket science. Keep the format as is, cast people that job titles do not include models or singers, limit booze and food and have tough tasks.

BB should work and can work, but not if it is altered too dramatically to suit a certain audience, then it cannot work.

I am enjoying the series, but I believe it could be better - I am not saying I could change this overnight, but to make a difference you have to take a risk and if this means Endemol, the production company, saying to channel 5: "Sorry this is not working, we make it, you broadcast it but butt out as it is our franchise."

If indeed there are crisis meetings happening, as rumoured, then someone somewhere knows something is not right.

This is what I would do:

1) Face to face nominations
2) Endurance/24 hour tasks, or tasks that are designed to be failed then be passed. I have many ideas for this.
3) Booze and cigarettes need to earned not given
4) Cancel the oven clock to disorientate them (they don't have watches in the house)
5) Bring back the parrot or something that repeats key conversations
6) Wake them up earlier
7) Live streaming of some sort
8) No contact whatsoever with the outside world

What do you think can save the show? Do comment on this blog.


Friday 16 September 2011

Big Brother Veteran: Eviction Night.

Big Brother Veteran: Eviction Night.: Wednesday night's show made me think Harry is indeed slightly odd. Like two school boys, Mark and Harry were up for a bit of, 'If I you sho...

Eviction Night.

Wednesday night's show made me think Harry is indeed slightly odd. Like two school boys, Mark and Harry were up for a bit of, 'If I you show you mine, will you show me yours'.
Luckily we were not treated to this spectacle, as Harry bottled it. Although, poor Harry being up for eviction for liking fox hunting. Tashie was an obvious choice for eviction along with Aaron as even as a viewer she is just plain annoying and arrogant and he hasn't joined in at all.

However the nominations were all very close - normally in the first week the boys vote for the girls and vice versa but this time there only a couple of votes in it. Big Brother history of a girl always leaving first would indicate that Tashie is going home - good news is she can go and see her new best friend Pammie in Malibu... However as this is now a vote to save, I think Harry is in equal danger for the chop tonight.

There are lots of questions on social networking and fan sites about the lack of live feed, how young contestants the contestants are and whether or not the Big Brother boss, a man called Jeff Ford, at Channel 5 has got this one right.

In respect of the contestants, yes, perhaps they are a bit young, and I would not have cast Alex and Harry as they look uncomfortable and awkward with cameras 24/7. However the rest are well cast and the potential for conflict is high which always makes for good watching.

The live feed issue is one in which I can see both sides of the argument and I could discuss the merits of both, but not on this occasion.

What I would change is that I would have a half an hour main show at 9pm and then have an extended one hour highlights at 11pm. This would make it very slicker.

It may be worth thinking about that Big Brother on 5 is just suited to the celebrity version as this would be more in keeping with the Desmond brands. Why not have two celeb BB shows a year, in between The X-Factor and I'm a Celeb Get Me out of Here. This would then be a runaway ratings success.

One last point, does anyone think that Mark is a plant?

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Monday Tuesday Happy Days

Monday night on Big Brother was a mix of weird conversations, great game playing, much posturing, and a 'Baywatch running' task that was won by Maisy - this gave her the unfair advantage of being exempt from being nominated, otherwise she surely would have been. Bizarrely others were eliminated for having 'floppy arms' or for 'not taking it seriously enough'. Was Maisy chosen as the winner by Big Brother deliberately to keep her pretty little face in for another week?

Pamela picked up two new stalkers: in the form of big-headed misfit Tashie and Anton who is truly deluded if thinks he stands any chance with Pamela.

Heaven is a mad as bunch of frogs in a nice way and reminds me somewhat of Makosi. Jay reminds me of the janitor on the Alan Partridge show. Alex seems very uncomfortable with the whole experience, but it is early doors. So early in fact that the stripper-come-do-gooder-come-man-hater Rebeckah is inexplicably the first person to jump into bed with a man...

Aaron decided to wear a face mask and we saw little of Aden, Mark, Tom or Faye, but I do believe they are still in the show.

Tuesday night sees a lot of sexual tension in the house and Alex imitating a chicken is the first time she has come alive. Oh well, better than nothing.

I feel a bit sorry for Aden, who has since day one said he likes Rebeckah, being brushed off by her in the morning - he needs to make sure he doesn't come across as a love sick puppy though.

The so-called 'wolf pack' is just a way of a few of the housemates in Harry's words 'trying to create a bit of drama'. Bit juvenile but there are hours to kill in that house and it can get boring.

Aaron and Harry are like outsiders looking in on the Big Brother house. We are watching them and they are watching everyone else. Not a good tactic though as they will alienate themselves from the other housemates and then will be at risk of being nominated by the others.

Rebeckah made a huge mistake choosing Aden to lose his golden swimsuit for two reasons. Firstly Aden is her 'specia'l friend and secondly her only other competition in the house is Maisy so tactically she should have chosen her. It is with some irony that the three golden swimsuits are the three people that would have been up for eviction: Rebeckah, Heaven and Maisy.

Sunday 11 September 2011

It is all in the casting, Day 2 in the Big Brother House.

Having thought very carefully, I think the key to any successful Big Brother is about having the correct mix of people. In the year 2000, they chose a farmer, a builder, a marketing worker, a tour guide, a city broker (me, clearly), a single father, a mortgage broker, an unemployed person, and an office worker.
Nobody extraordinary, no wannabes, just normal people with something about them that the producers liked. It was the same for Big Brother 2 and Big Brother 3, then it all changed. This was probably because Big Brother 4 was so dull, which was purely down to bad luck/chemistry.

Then the producers thought that by having more extreme contestants that Big Brother would again be a success. Instead we hated some of the contestants (not all) in the next few series, as some behaved like thugs , a few were wannabes and the show became predictably inane. This inertia lasted until series 11, where the funny tasks and normal contestants made the show worth watching again.

It is simple to get this right: get ten normal people, no hairdryers, no watches, hot water once a day and give them hard tasks where they are more likely to fail which will give them a small food budget, which in turn causes strains and arguments and then you have a show. To try and force situations in Big Brother never works.

The new contestants are revealing far too much about themselves. Come on, it is the first 24 hours - have some mystery about you...although Pammie doing the washing up is classic BB. I think she is heavily under utilised by Big Brother.

Aaron is playing a very good game by making sure he talks to everyone on a one to one basis. Rebekah and Harry last night and Tashie and Louise today. Clever.

Maisy is a classic example of a huge wannabe who should have a tee shirt with desperado printed across the front.

This years housemates seem to have the intellectual capacity of badly beaten badgers, apart from Harry and Aaron who have quickly identified that their fellow housemates are thick, maybe they are right.

Saturday 10 September 2011

The New Housemates 24 hours on.

Too much reality TV this week, not something I ever thought I would say.

First off on Saturday night was Strictly Come Dancing, where the celebs were rather obviously paired off with the dancers who were either the right height (see tallest girl dancer with 6ft6in Audley) or the right status (see Brendan with Lulu) - this was all obviously pre-arranged ie the celebs and dancers knew, but us the viewers were supposed to be duped into believing it was a kind of lottery. I predict loveable Jason Donovan to win and clumsy-footed Audley Harrison to be out first.

The X Factor was more like the Gary and Kelly show, but the usual sad stories and obvious twists still made entertaining viewing. Just when are Tulisa and Louis going to shine? Is Louis had enough do we think?

I can't blog today and not mention Big Brother - 24 hours in and it is great a touch to have the 'milf' Pamela Anderson on the show. I always hate the first couple of days as there are just too many people to get to know (14 this year) and too much noise. However having the name checks on screen is very helpful.

The bitching already has started, which is slightly early and calling Pamela names has probably lost Rebekah the Spearmint Rhino dancer a fair few voters already - plus telling Aaron she has wee'd on a guy was a seriously bad move. First rule is always keep a low profile and do not boast in the first week and starting early friendships too early is a dangerous tactic. Arden for example is an ass boasting about how many girls he has slept with...

Here is the first exit poll (who is most popular) gained from what is said on millions of internet websites and kindly provided by data analyst extraordinaire Christian Howes.

Friday 9 September 2011

The New Housemates: My First impressions

The 14 new housemates in the Big Brother house were chosen from 10,000 people who applied, but there are no Scots, Welsh, or Irish ones, none are disabled, no housemate is over thirty and I note no one is fat...

Mark 26, Salesman, quite normal, bit thick and slightly over friendly.
Maisie 19, Actress, not liked by the crowd, in the house for the wrong reasons, self-promoter.
Aaron 30, Arrogant, but well cast, will be good housemate.
Heaven 30, Model, dancer, healer, loopy.
Tom 20, Geeky, annoying, will do well.
Tashie 21, Actress/singer, might annoy others
Aden 19, Student. Normal young guy! Finalist.
Alex 18, Typical BB housemate! Girl next door but with hair extensions. Works at McDonalds.
Harry 23, Token posh boy, will be out fast! Has milkshake company
Rebeckah 28, Too good to be true, promises a lot (charity dance school), but will she deliver?
Anton 23, Cheeky likeable, maybe not as cocky as he likes to think.
Faye 23, Quite normal, well almost. The first to argue.
Jay 27, Token Geordie, loves his Mum, vote winner, plumber.
Louise 26, Another Model, dull.

Not bad casting, would have ditched the models and actors as too obvious. Think this series might be quite fiery.

Goodbye CBB

Welcome to my new blog. I am Nick Bateman. I was in the 1st UK Big Brother in 2000 and in Ultimate Big Brother last year. Here are my views on reality TV.

I think the last three weeks of Celebrity Big Brother were sexier, brighter and better than ever before with new broadcaster Channel 5. The ratings were perhaps not as successful as they would have liked, but paradoxically they were still a success in the grand scheme of things.

I feel that the show was fun, it had an absence of malice, apart from the male model Bobby and the controversy of 'sweatgate', but it was all a little bit too nice. The show needed more tasks, and less take away meals, treats, and booze. Also there was too much contact with the outside world, which is strange as the whole concept of the show is no contact, except with Big Brother.

Paddy the traveller deserved to win in the 'nice' stakes but twins Jedward should have won on entertainment value alone. I am surprised who won, as were the bookies. It seems the public go for who they like rather than who was the best housemate.

Nice and reformed as she is if Kerry had won I would have cried fix!

The housemates did OK and little damage was done to their careers. The real winner will be Channel 5 who have bought the franchise from Channel 4 at the same time as product placement on TV gets the green light - how clever is that. Owner Richard Desmond is one bright cookie.

You can just imagine.

Camera slowly pans over blatantly placed products in the kitchen...
Contestant 1: "Whats for lunch?"
Contestant 2: "How about some Heinz Baked Beans, with Lidl's own brand bacon?"
"This is Big Brother, can someone clean the camera glasses with Johnson's Wax, for a better shine!"

Somewhere at Channel 5, a constant ringing of a cash till is heard....